Why is it so easy to find "comfort food" these days but "comfort words" are so hard to come by? My friend lost her battle with breast cancer this morning, about a year before I was anywhere near ready to say goodbye. A week ago she was feeling feisty and assuring us that she was NOT on her death bed and then this morning her daughter is on the phone with me telling me the news. And that's when words failed me. What do you say to a teenager who's just lost her mom? I had no words of comfort. But then I told a friend who had just met her and he emailed me back the perfect "comfort words."
"She seemed a delightful, energetic and special person .. I know this must touch you deeply and I am equally sure that you had enriched her life immensely these past several months. She spoke highly of you and of the spirit, energy, and passion you embody.
And all of a sudden I knew what I wanted to say to her daughter. "Your mom was no ordinary mom. She was life and energy personified. She'd be in the middle of chemo and would come to my house for a support meeting and spend her time encouraging everyone else. We came up with an idea for a fund raiser concert and she of course brought in all the sponsors -- in between visits to Dana Farber. She who was facing the scariest thing in the world was the one who could make me laugh, get me out dancing, and above all teach me about "clarity." She always described cancer as a gift that brought her clarity. She found clarity of purpose -- raising her kids and fighting for her health as well as clarity of conscience -- having the world's best attitude and fighting for all the things she truly believed in. She counted her breaks and her blessings and never complained about all the breaks she didn't get. As she said, "I did get breaks. I found the lump, I got a great doctor, he found the next lump, new drugs were available. I've gotten breaks all along the way." Emma, your mom was compassionate, funny, brilliant, warm, sexy and beautiful with hair and without. Life will never be the same -- but then it hasn't been since the first time I met her. She inspired me from day one. And, as soon as I can, I'm going out and do what she would have wanted us to do. Raise more money to fight this damn disease.
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