Choosing the best public relations measurement or social media measurement vendor from the many available can be difficult. According to a recent poll, there are over 3 billion social media consultants who would like you to hire them.
To help you interview your next measurement vendor, we’ve put together several question-and-answer scenarios so you can evaluate their expertise. Included are some helpful tips on how to respond.
Question #1: Why would I want to measure my public relations or social media programs?
-- Possible Answer A: [Vendor adjusts bulging Sansabelt waistline.]
“Our vast number-crunching expertise and seven-color statistical graph charts will prove you do your job better than anyone else!”
What you do: Smile politely. Pull secret lever to drop vendor through trap door into crocodile pit.
--Possible Answer B: [Vendor removes massive horn-rimmed glasses and stares intently into your eyes.]
“It's all about the conversation! We use our proprietary Influensationess® and Buzzifaction® Indexes to track your influence in the social space and leverage the engagement of your social media presence.”
What you do: Maintain smile while showing vendor out door. Lock door. Release the hounds.
--Possible Answer C: [Sun breaks out from behind clouds, casts divine light.]
“Measurement will provide you with the data you need to make more efficient and effective decisions.”
What you do: Quietly rejoice. Let your spirit be refreshed. Proceed to next question....
Question #2: What’s the best way to measure my program?
-- Possible Answer A: [Vendor twirls curly mustaches while waggling eyebrows.]
“Our special AVE technology will conclusively prove the dollar value of your coverage. How does a multiplier of, oh, say, 5, sound to you?”
What you do: Restrain vendor. Put tar on to boil, gather chicken feathers.
--Possible Answer B: [Vendor strokes goatee and speaks while simultaneously checking Blackberry.]
“Hits to your website show eyeballs in action. Our secret Advanced Site Sensing® technology will actually reveal how many people visit your website every day!”
What you do: Maintain smile while dismembering vendor with your laser eye beams. Or, if office is above 5th floor, use repulsor rays to defenestrate.
--Possible Answer C: [Slight radiance visible around vendor’s head.]
“I don’t know yet, I have to get to know your program, audience, and business objectives first.”
What you do: Raise eyes to heavens. Sing brief hymn of praise and adoration. Blot tears of happiness and proceed to next question...
Question #3: How would I measure my relationships with my audiences?
-- Possible Answer A: [Vendor scratches back of mullet.]
“Relationships mean nothing. It’s all about getting the coverage, reaching beaucoup eyeballs, and getting your message out in front of your main target stakeholder audience groups.”
What you do: Use desk button to activate the faulty x-ray machine hidden beneath vendor’s chair. Carefully maintain smile and eye contact while lethal dose is administered. Graciously dismiss vendor.
-- Possible Answer B: [Slight tilt to the head.]
“Why would you want to measure relationships?”
What you do: Being careful not to get your hopes up, respond: “Because I want to learn the nature of what motivates my audiences.”
-- Possible Answer C: [Faint sounds of harp music.]
“Depends on your situation, but looking at engagement could be a good start, then maybe a Grunig-based survey.”
What you do: Prepare a burnt offering. Inquire if vendor is looking for venture capital. Proceed to next question...
Question 4: How would you measure my ROI?
-- Possible Answer A: [Vendor flashes big smile while crossing her legs and adjusting very short skirt, waggles foot with red stiletto pump.]
“You are talking my language. I’m sure your ROI is just huge! We can track it with hits, impressions, likes, or any other measure that works for you!”
What you do: Carefully maintain eye contact. Use button under desk to activate rocket-assisted ejector seat, launching vendor into stratosphere.
--Possible Answer B:
“Your best ROI is impressions, because PR is all about getting your key messages out to as many people as possible.”
What you do: Maintain smile while approaching vendor to within arm’s length. Use snake-head-fist to strike softly with forbidden dim mak death touch to liver or kidneys. Continue to smile. Show to door.
--Possible Answer C: [A hush falls, time seems to stand still.]
“Your ROI is the percentage difference between what you invest and the revenue it generates. If you don't have the dollar data to make those calculations, we might do better to express its value in terms of other business goals.”
What you do: Ask if vendor is single. If yes, get your eligible son/daughter into the room immediately. Proceed to next question...
Question #5: In your view, what’s the point or purpose of social media?
-- Possible Answer A:
“To get your message out to more people, faster. Plus, you can get some intern to do it, so it’s free!”
What you do: Snarl menacingly while moving hand toward the .44 Magnum in your AceCase SpeedRack® shoulder holster. Ask vendor if he/she feels lucky.
--Possible Answer B:
“To proactively address your brand reputation in realtime by leveraging your human assets and image channels to maximize your bandwidth in the social space.”
What you do: Use your Level 33 Necromancer to cast Spell of Eternal Immobility, drink a mana potion, then immediately cast Searing Flames of Hell.
--Possible Answer C: “To build relationships.”
What you do: Hire the vendor. Call caterer, order fatted calf feast. Secretly review plans for world domination.
--WTP
(Thanks to Ian Drurie at Conversation Marketing for the idea. He really knows how to write a snarky-but-humorous blog post.)
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--Bill Paarlberg is editor of The Measurement Standard blog and newsletter, and of Katie Paine's new book Measure What Matters. The Measurement Standard is a publication of KDPaine & Partners, a company that delivers custom research to measure brand image, public relationships, and engagement.